Looking for jobs!!!

I have been trying to find a job today. Ugh. It has been a difficult day. Now the internet isn't working so I can't looks for applications. My parents think that since I didn't want to go to school that that meant that I regret it. I don't. I tried it out and it's just not for me. Why is looking for a job so difficult. Like it's freaken ridiculous. I just want to work on my portfolio for my photography. But no keep liking for a job or you will be a bum. I am gosh darn it. No one will call. Me. And my parents tell me to not get frustrated but it's very frustrating. VERY!!! I want to work at charming Charlie's or something something like that. But no one is calling me. I need to just calm down and just give it to God. He will find me a job. If he thinks it's good for me he will will it for me. God is the almighty God. He is my savior and I love him. I maybe going through a rough time on finding a job but I need to just chill about it. I just want money. Oh man. The last two days I have been talking to a guy.  And he's in college right now. I don't know what my feelings are for him just yet. Like for the longest time I was like he is so disresctful. But now I'm just like, maybe k had just misjudged him. And maybe it was my feelings towards him and maybe I was afraid to get close. I don't know. Well all I know is a 2pm I get to go get coffee wh my best friend Sara sprinkle at the whistle stop at downtown Lee's summit. She always brings a smile to my face. I love her so much. She is such a dear to me. She is so kind. And I want to be like her sometimes. Because when I se ever love for Jesus all the time. And see the hope in her life. I just want to not have anything to worry about. She is actually going to medical school. She is so amazing. I think she is wanting to be a nurse or something. Sara has brought so much joy into my life. I know that she is a true friend because I know that she will never leave me and that she will not just stop being my friend because I have so much drama. She will love me and she is always praying for me. I love that about her. I love it when she has time to go get coffee and be able to talk like we haven't talked in forever. It's been about a week. I don't know my other friend is not who she said she is. She left me because she was tired of my drama. And that she doesn't want to be my friend be cause I'm not perfect and she thinks that she can do no wrong. And everything that I have done with our friendship is all my fault. She thinks she can control everyone's lives. If she doesn't like what we are doing she has change everything to do what she likes. She is the boss of everyone. And what she says what we have to do. She just stabbed me in the back. She dropped me like a sack of potatoes. That I don't matter and only the people that give her what she wants matters. If you don't give her something. She will just not be your friend. She is so fake. Pisses me off. With everything that we have gone through she's just done. In her words she's like well people change and they move on. We've been best friends for three years. You don't just give up on them because your tired of them. Like who does that. Only someone that is fake. She is so fake around me. Like tell me how you feel and grow up and don't do stuff over the Internet. If I posted something on the Internet then don't just turn around and do the same thing and block me and then just text me. Pick up your phone and call. I'm just so frustrated by all of this. Well now I know how she is and that once you are doing ok and have taken my happiness it's ok to just drop me. That's who she is. But I may not have her but I have God no matter what. He is here for me and is not going to just give up on me because he says that I have too much drama. No because he's not like that only people that don't have God is like that. 

Wow. Life has been so hard. The past two months have been ok but horrible all at the same time. I sometimes just wonder why is there so much drama. I don't need the drama in my life but I always get t on my life. I'm always the one that does wrong and everyone else is perfect. I know that's just me talking. And I know that that isn't true. But I'm just so frustrated. I try to fix things and I get stabbed in the back. I mean now sense I have decided to not go to college my parents have been nagging and nagging me to get a job. I have been looking for a job and no one has called me. I just feel like they are telling me that I am just being lazy and just not even trying to look for a job. I am trying. I want money. I mean I'm being told by my mom hey go work for dad. And I'm just like I want to be the one to get a job and not have a hand me down from my dad and get it for free and not really working for it. Yeah I get money but I didn't have to work to get the job because the boss is my dad. And I just don't think that's right. Sometimes I'm able to write things down a lot better than just saying it out loud and trying to explain it in my own words. Life has been good for me yes but I'm ready to move on in the next chapter in my life and try to get a job and get a apartment. But I can't do that until someone freaked calls me. Sheesh. And now as a living I'm doing photography. I'm always being told that I take amazing pics. And so I want to start my own business. Right now sense I'm. Beginner I don't charge a whole lot but once I get better I will charger more. Why is life so complicated. Sometimes I need to just stop and listen to God and see what he wants me to do with my life. How he wants to use me in his all might plan. God is my everything. I went through a big fight with my friend. She left me because she was just done. But God will never leave me or forsake me. God Is a loving God. He would never leave his people because he loves us. All I know is that on Wednesday nights starting hopefully next week I will become a youth group leader. With one of my friends Paige. She was so excited to see me yesterday at youth group. She about strangled me. I love her to death. She is such a good influence on me. That's what I need in my life. And also she will be helping me with the group after service on Wednesdays. Our group is going to be the bomb. I think I'll be doing 7th graders. I'm ready to see what God has planned for me for the girls. I want to make a difference in their lives. I want them to come to me when they are going through a rough time. For me trust is everything. A lot of the girls may test that trust. But also I have to remember that I also tested God and my family to see if they truly loved me. And they loved me no matter what. They would do anything to keep me safe. It feels like I have been with my family longer than 3 years. It feels like I have been with them sense I was born. God had a plan for me I just had to be patient enough. And I don't have a lot of patience sometimes. Lol. Well I will write more tomorrow or sometime soon. Going to bed.  Night yall. Dear God,  Let the Angels look over me tonight when I sleep and that when I wake up that I'm refreshed. Keep bad thoughts out tonight and for me to love my  friend no matter what. Amen. 😇