Wow. Life has been so hard. The past two months have been ok but horrible all at the same time. I sometimes just wonder why is there so much drama. I don't need the drama in my life but I always get t on my life. I'm always the one that does wrong and everyone else is perfect. I know that's just me talking. And I know that that isn't true. But I'm just so frustrated. I try to fix things and I get stabbed in the back. I mean now sense I have decided to not go to college my parents have been nagging and nagging me to get a job. I have been looking for a job and no one has called me. I just feel like they are telling me that I am just being lazy and just not even trying to look for a job. I am trying. I want money. I mean I'm being told by my mom hey go work for dad. And I'm just like I want to be the one to get a job and not have a hand me down from my dad and get it for free and not really working for it. Yeah I get money but I didn't have to work to get the job because the boss is my dad. And I just don't think that's right. Sometimes I'm able to write things down a lot better than just saying it out loud and trying to explain it in my own words. Life has been good for me yes but I'm ready to move on in the next chapter in my life and try to get a job and get a apartment. But I can't do that until someone freaked calls me. Sheesh. And now as a living I'm doing photography. I'm always being told that I take amazing pics. And so I want to start my own business. Right now sense I'm. Beginner I don't charge a whole lot but once I get better I will charger more. Why is life so complicated. Sometimes I need to just stop and listen to God and see what he wants me to do with my life. How he wants to use me in his all might plan. God is my everything. I went through a big fight with my friend. She left me because she was just done. But God will never leave me or forsake me. God Is a loving God. He would never leave his people because he loves us. All I know is that on Wednesday nights starting hopefully next week I will become a youth group leader. With one of my friends Paige. She was so excited to see me yesterday at youth group. She about strangled me. I love her to death. She is such a good influence on me. That's what I need in my life. And also she will be helping me with the group after service on Wednesdays. Our group is going to be the bomb. I think I'll be doing 7th graders. I'm ready to see what God has planned for me for the girls. I want to make a difference in their lives. I want them to come to me when they are going through a rough time. For me trust is everything. A lot of the girls may test that trust. But also I have to remember that I also tested God and my family to see if they truly loved me. And they loved me no matter what. They would do anything to keep me safe. It feels like I have been with my family longer than 3 years. It feels like I have been with them sense I was born. God had a plan for me I just had to be patient enough. And I don't have a lot of patience sometimes. Lol. Well I will write more tomorrow or sometime soon. Going to bed.  Night yall. Dear God,  Let the Angels look over me tonight when I sleep and that when I wake up that I'm refreshed. Keep bad thoughts out tonight and for me to love my  friend no matter what. Amen. 😇